Thoughts from a bar... (Sept 22nd, 2001)

A year or so ago, I was out with a friend (JG). We were sitting at a bar and having a few drinks. We were basically just shootin' the bull, relaxing, and checking the place out. After a while, some thought - that I can not recall right now - came to mind. So, I grabbed a napkin & pen... and started writing. I jotted down a few thoughts and folded up the napkin and tucked it away in a pocket. Heck, it's probably still around my apartment somewhere. Anyway, he saw what I did and asked me about it. So, I explained it as best I could and he suggested that I create a 'bar thoughts' section on my website, to post things like that. I laughed it off and left it at that... At least until now.

After the recent attacks on New York City and Washington, DC, I found myself... 'locked-up' mentally. I had tons of thoughts going on in my head. But, I never could seem to grab-hold of any of them long enough to write them down. After many nights of not getting much sleep and many hours of sitting with a pad & paper and not being able to write anything... I decided to take a different approach. "Something has GOT to give!"

So, I called another friend (Aaron) a couple of Friday nights ago, to see if he wanted to go out... have a few drinks... just shoot the bull and un-wind a bit from our 'rough weeks.' He agreed. So, we met, had a few drinks, and talked a lot... Heck, I think it was 4am by the time I got home and to bed. Unfortunately, my goal still seemed to be as far away as it had been before I went out... So, I repeated the same process on Saturday night. This time, though, I flew solo. After a few hours of being out, talking to a couple of waitresses, and being 'alone with my thoughts' (more or less), some words finally came to mind... So, much like before, I grabbed a napkin & pen... and started writing.

As I said, it started with just a few words... "Torn... ripped... shredded..." and just began to flow from there.

What you see below is what resulted from that night and a few edits tonight...

Before I begin though, I would like to give a little credit to a few people. First of all, thanks to JG for the initial idea and suggestion to post these 'bar thoughts.' Also, thanks to Aaron for going out and trying to help out on that Friday night. I definitely needed to get out and I think, in the long-run, it did help a bit to shake things loose on Saturday night. (Basically, it just took me longer than I thought it would!) Finally, I would also like to say thanks to Sarah and Deidra from Clicks for chatting it up a bit when I felt like talking and just bringing drinks once I started writing. It really did help a lot. Oh yeah! One other 'thanks'... To Enigma for their song "Return To Innocence," which was playing that night and prompted "Napkin 4."

Enjoy... or something!
Michael

Napkin 1:

Torn... ripped... shredded... pieced back together.

We each are pieces of influences of various ... distortions, of what we are... and are not... that we reveal at various points and expanses of time, based on the circumstances of that moment in time, within which we exist. We are each more than what we appear to be. We each house various 'versions' of ourselves, that reveal themselves to the world... based on what is required of us in that moment in time.

There are times... circumstances that encourage various and certain aspects of each of us. A break-up... a death... a bombing... These events can shake one's soul... one's very being.

To BE... what we are... what we know we are... what we want to be... what we know we truly are... for that moment... defines us... at least for that moment.

Buildings burn... and fall.

People die... and turn to dust.

Love lives forever... if we never fail to forget the souls that evoked those feelings, emotions... that first and for always made us FEEL... To feel, whatever the feeling is... to know that you are truly alive...

Be alive... live... and feel in time... for all times and... for no times, if the circumstances in our lives do not bring forth events to shape and encourage us to be what we are... what we can be.

To love... needs encouragement.

To hate... needs encouragement.

To feel deep, grievous, soul-shaking pain... requires encouragement.

We are little more than merely flesh & blood without the circumstances in our lives that make us FEEL.

Napkin 2:

Existence...

Living... breathing... being alive...

It has to be more than merely eating, sleeping... breathing. To truly live involves touching other lives... and allowing yourself to be touched.

To live... to love... is to allow one's self to be something grander, more expansive than simply containing one's self within one's own day-to-day existence.

We all want to be something more robust than merely the flesh and bone that we are created as...... We are born into a world that we know nothing of. Bloody, screaming, and ripped from everything that we had previously known... our new-found existence is created through pain...

Each new existence that defines us and our lives, is created through pain... and risk.

If we do not take risks... we are not truly alive... if we are not truly alive, then our mere existence is a waste of space, flesh, blood, and bone...

We are each created for a reason. Our first, our primary... goal in life is to find that reason. Our reason to BE. We must each find our justification for our existence. It HAS to be more than getting up each morning to go to work, punch the clock, and get another paycheck...

We hope to find love and to be loved. But, there has to be more... If you have not found your reason to be, then go ... search ... FIND IT.

Live... Love... But, Find Your Reason To Be

Napkin 3:

We come, we go... we smile, nod, and wave... at people we know and know not... each day of our lives... influencing those around us, in ways that are imperceptible to ourselves...

A casual nod and smile at someone on the elevator... An acknowledgment of another's existence... letting them know they ARE there, that they ARE noticed... perhaps that they DO matter... That can influence a day in a person's life, perhaps in a vast and grand way... and if that is ALL we can do each day... is let those around us know they are noticed, that perhaps they really do matter, then what greater thing can we do than ... share a smile, nod, wave... say hello.

Today, if you do nothing else, share that acknowledgement with a stranger.

Let them know that they are noticed... that... they matter.

We all matter.

Share It

Napkin 4:

The most grievous betrayal to anyone... is to act in such a way that it inflicts a loss of innocence.

To lose one's innocence... of anything... is to lose the ability to look upon that 'anything' with the simplicity and clarity of a child.

To me ... there is no more grievous sin that one can commit against another...

Oh yeah! When did all this first get written? From what I can tell, it looks likes the night of Sept. 22, 2001 is the most likely culprit. It is very likely that atleast some of this was written eaaaarly in the morning of Sept 23rd. But, I will call it Sept. 22nd anyway.